We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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