I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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