bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
