youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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