i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
