shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
