Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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