Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
