I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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