The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
