I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
God, I missed his penis.
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