i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
