I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
