Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i think my cat just said my name.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
