dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
