i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
