It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
