I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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