I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
