My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Fuck appropriateness.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
