Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
