this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
