garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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