it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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