Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Congratulations! We have a period
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize