I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
