Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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