I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
