So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
