I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
