If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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