I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
