Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
