i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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