that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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