I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
