He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize