I can tuck mytits in my pants
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
