Only a mothe r could love this liver
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
