lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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