Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
