i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
