made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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