why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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