dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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