First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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