dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize