Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
