i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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