i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
