just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
