i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
