Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
