she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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