The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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