I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize