i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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