We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
