so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize