I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
