I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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