Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
