Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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