Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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