i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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