i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
