I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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