I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
God, I missed his penis.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
