Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize