I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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