I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He kissed a someone with a penis
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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