I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
either way he was missing a nipple.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
