he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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