Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
