thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I forget how to act sober
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
