You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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