last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize