can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
