All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
