That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
