she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
