How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
