There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
