your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
